


Coping

by FiveLeafClover



Series: Changing Fates [2]
Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Coma, Gen, Past Death of a Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2019-05-19 11:31:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiveLeafClover/pseuds/FiveLeafClover
Summary: The whole ED is in mourning. Connie is dead and Ethan's in a coma following the car accident. No one is coping, they're just being.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> [backdated fic, originally posted on fanfiction/net under the username InfinityAndOne, posted here 07/06/18]
> 
> Hello! This is the sequel to 'Seatbelt', and this won't make much sense unless you've read that. I have to say, I've given up pre-writing it! And anyway, I didnt want to keep you waiting any longer! (I know, the title of this story is awful!) So, here it is! Would you mind reviewing? It would help a lot! I shall let you read on!

Nothing was the same.

A mere week previously, the Clinical Lead died. That hit everyone hard. Connie Beauchamp was never going to come back and it pulled at everyone's hearts, made them ache with the emptiness. She suffered a severe head injury- resulting in a bleed in her brain. She had to have life-saving surgery performed by the CEO and a very good neurosurgeon- Guy Self. Everyone thought she was saved. Everyone thought she would live to see another day; that she would love to rule over her kingdom- also known as Holby City ED. Everyone was wrong. Connie Beauchamp didn't survive. Her last moment was with Charlie before she ultimately lost consciousness and that started the chain reaction- resulting in her death.

Zoe remembered what Guy said as if it was yesterday.  _'I'm afraid…well…_ ' She remembered him stumbling over his words. His face displaying one of sheer and utter worry- very unusual for the CEO. She remembered seeing him take a deep breath, as if psyching himself up to say the actual sentence. She was holding her breath in apprehension, but she had a feeling she knew what was coming. ' _We lost Connie ten minutes ago._ ' That sealed it. That made it all real. It was apparently  _'complications'_. She later learned that the bleed returned, but they hadn't been able to save her. Her heart broke, but that was only the first bit of bad news.

Not only did Connie die, but a young doctor, Ethan Hardy, was lying in a coma, currently being kept alive in ITU. His condition was worrying when he first arrived in the ED, but it was stable. Until the deterioration that led to his current state. He lost consciousness, he flat lined, he almost died. He did die for a short period of time. That was too long. His vital organs, his brain were starved of oxygen, making them shut down. He was revived, but he wasn't alive, not properly.

Cal was worried sick for his little brother. He was still counting on Ethan waking up. He insisted on working, saying he didn't need time off. He needed to distract himself from what happened with Ethan. It was partly his fault. He should have been quicker when trying to work out what the problem was. He was as doctor for God's sake! But, that was all in the past. Cal couldn't change it. He just waited and waited for Ethan to wake up.

Cal remembered what happened clearly. He was too late, and Ethan had a tear in his aorta- one of his main arteries. He nearly bled to death! Cal even had to incubate his own brother. That was terrifying. He too remembered the conversation which made his whole world fall apart. The surgeon informed him that they managed to repair the aorta. His tone never wavered- not once. Cal could have slapped him for being so professional. It sounded like he didn't even care about his little brother. It sounded like Ethan was just another patient.

Then the surgeon said the one word Cal didn't want to hear. He said 'but' which always meant something terrible happened. Cal started thinking up all different things. Cal persisted for the unwilling surgeon to tell him what happened. They recusitated him. They did. He wasn't dead. But he was in a coma. Who knows what damage would have been done to Ethan- what brain cells would have died from lack of oxygen. Cal's heart broke from it. And he wasn't sure it would ever mend.

Lily had a couple of days off of work, as did Tess and Ash. None of them were too badly injured, the worst of their injuries being Ash's dislocated shoulder which was rectified almost immediately. But the ED wasn't the same.

No one spoke of the crash. No one dared. The closest it came were people asking how Ethan was or questioning about the other members of the staff. The crash, that dreadful crash that caused all of this mess pulled at everyone's hearts, and nothing would be the same for a long time.


	2. The Memory in our Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Thank you to those who left some positive reviews on the first chapter of this story! Considering Chapter 1 (by this website's automatic chapter system) was a prologue, the chapters will be out of sync a bit. I hope it doesn't confuse anyone like it will to me! I'm sorry about that. Also, I have little experience in funerals/memorial services (thankfully) so I was really stuck on this chapter (which is why it's short and a little rubbish). (This was meant to go up yesterday, and I apoligise that it didn't. In truth... I forgot...) Anyway, on with the second/first chapter!

The only sounds that could be heard in the silent church was the occasional sniff and murmurs of crying from Connie's daughter- Grace Beauchamp. She had her head resting on her father's shoulder- watching the front as her mother's coffin was placed down. There were some flowers arranged in a way that spelled out her mother's name. They were pink, red and yellow. Grace knew, for a fact, if her mother were to see them, she'd like them. That gave her the slightest but of comfort.

Zoe looked around in the church. It felt wrong to be mourning Connie. She hadn't started in the ED long ago, and she certainly hadn't been Clinical Lead for long. The role did suit her, it was a position made for Mrs Beauchamp. Since her death, Zoe had been offered the role, but she turned it down. It wasn't right. It wasn't right at all. She, along with Guy Self, had therefore been hunting down possible candidates. They never came to a decision. Zoe guessed it was partly because it was  _Connie's_  job. No one else suited it quite like she did.

Her mind drew back to the ED- where many distraught people were still working. Guy had managed to pull a few strings to allow many time off work to attend Connie's funeral, but a hospital needed staff. There were no two ways about it. One thing that struck her- like it did a few others- was a specific person who was currently sitting a few seats down to her left. Obviously, she didn't blame him from attending the funeral- but he seemed to actively find any excuse to avoid the one person closest to him. She noticed that Cal was working double shifts, he didn't have any time off  _and_  he would rarely make the way up to his brother. She forcefully focused on the proceedings in front of her, though. Caleb Knight was a different matter. When he was putting patients at risk- that would be the time to talk to him. For now, she was focused on the funeral of a friend.

Everyone watched as Sam Strachan slowly made his way up to talk about the woman he had Grace with- leaving the child in question to rest her head on her mother's shoulder- sniffing every now and again. Zoe knew, from the snippets about her personal life that Connie had spilled, that she and Sam had a very brief relationship- resulting in Grace. Apparently, they weren't that close- but he fathered her child.

Sam cleared his throat- evidently composing himself a little more, and started. "Connie's and my relationship was never the best. We had our good and bad moments- but in the end, it would always come down to one thing. The most precious thing in the world- especially in Connie's eyes. Grace is the spitting image of her mother," Grace smiled sadly. Although she would always feel halfway between neglected and loved, she was always told she was like her mother- and that Connie truly loved her- even if she may not show it. "Connie adored Grace, almost as much as she loved work," Guy chuckled at that, smiling slightly to himself, "Connie was a great doctor. I know that, and I'm sure all her colleagues know that as well. She was also a loving mother. If the slightest thing happened to the apple of her eye, Connie would be in pieces and try to do anything to save her daughter. That was one of the greatest things about our Connie. No matter what happens, her daughter would always be safe. She exceeded in everything she did- if it be parenting or work or saving people's lives. That's our Connie Beauchamp." Sam stepped down, and almost everyone felt a stray tear in their eye.

Everything proceeded. Everything continued. Some people stood and said a few words about the woman they lost, and others sat in silence- trying desperately not to cry at the loss. A week wasn't that long- and no one was alright. Not yet, anyway.

All watched on as the curtain was gradually hiding the coffin from view. Grace was crying slightly louder now and her father was holding her tightly- like she would disappear if he let go. Grace was burying her head in her father's chest- muffling her sobs into his shirt. The funeral director nodded questioningly at Sam and he nodded in answer. Slowly, he starting to walk towards the back exit. Sam picked his daughter up and followed- soon being followed by everyone else- ending the funeral service for Connie.

Outside, Sam managed to shake many of Connie Beauchamp's colleagues hands. Grace was still being held by him- still in pieces over the death of her mother. Guy was telling Sam about some recent happenings with Connie- and he was laughing sadly. It definitely sounded like she hadn't lost her spark after he moved abroad. Still the same old Connie. He knew Grace was listening, too. Even though she was not even double figures in age, she still seemed to mature. She was too innocent to lose her mother so young.

It broke Zoe's heart, still, to think that Connie was gone- and the funeral made it all too real.


	3. Support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for the reviews you left on the previous chapter, and I hope you like this chapter as well!

Cal was a liability. He was tripping over trolleys, his hands were shaking when he was examining patients, he looked half-asleep and he kept taking breaks in the staff room. Breaks that would last a lifetime. Zoe didn't just notice that, she also noticed how- in over a week- Cal hadn't gone up to ITU to see Ethan. Of course many other people had, but Cal seemed to be avoiding him at all costs. Someone would bring it up and he'd say, _'I've got to chase those blood results',_  or, _'I've been away from my patient too long'._  Zoe didn't really know why Cal was avoiding Ethan, but she had to find out. Cal was becoming sloppier by the second, and she would have to send him home- somewhere else he was avoiding by doing double shifts.

"Cal, may I have a word in Tess' office?" Zoe asked politely as she passed by Cal- who was furiously tapping away at a computer. It had to be the Nurse Manager's office. Zoe still hadn't taken up the position of Clinical Lead and it felt wrong to be in Connie's office without permission. It almost felt like trespassing.

Cal sighed angrily and nodded, hitting the desk in one last bout of anger before seeming to calm down considerably and follow Zoe to the office in question. He honestly didn't see the reason why he would be 'summoned'- as it were. His job was fine, none of his patients were breeching... wait... what if something bad had happened to Ethan? Oh sh-

"-take a seat Cal." Zoe told him, motioning over to a chair near where Tess was sat. He was never called to two people in charge, unless it was the headmaster and deputy headmistress in school. And, oh boy, did he have a lot of encounters with those people.

However, this wasn't school, so why was Tess there? His worry for his brother soared to record proportions. His brother who wouldn't be in this way if it wasn't for Cal's rubbish skills as a doctor.

Cal slumped down into the chair, nervously bouncing his knees up and down. Zoe and Tess looked at each other before Zoe drew in a breath and started.

"Tess and I have noticed you seem a little... distracted." Her words were slow and laced with worry. Cal felt sick at the suspense. Was that the reason they called him? Because he was 'distracted'? Wow. The ED really was going to the dump without Connie there. "We just wondered if you would benefit from a few days off?" Zoe and Tess waited for an answer, but when there wasn't one forthcoming, Tess spoke.

"You could take the time and be with Ethan." Cal's knees stopped bobbing up and down and his breathing hitched. He looked anywhere but the two people in the room. "We noticed how many shifts you've done, you can't have had much time with him."

"I can't take time off work," Cal's voice was strained with roar emotion and the effort of holding tears at bay. "Connie's dead, Ethan's... " He couldn't bear to say it aloud. "I need to make up for them." Zoe kneeled in front of Cal and placed her first two fingers on his chin- gently bringing his head to look at her.

"Cal, why won't you see Ethan?" She and Tess both knew that was the root cause of his current state. Cal's tears were slowly but steadily making their way down him cheeks, leaving the trace of tears there. His eyes were red already and he was trembling.

"I-I can't. I just, I just can't." Cal whimpered before the last of his strength crumbled and he broke into sobbing, his whole body shaking while he cried. Zoe looked over at Tess, concerned for the doctor, before wrapping her arms around him and bringing him into an uncharacteristically gentle hug.

Zoe could feel every sob, every cry, and every whimper that Cal produced as a result of his utter devastation. It was as if all of his emotions suddenly surfaced and he was letting go of it for the first time since last week. Zoe was rubbing up and down his back comfortingly and he seemed to get calmer with every motion.

Eventually, he pulled away, and wiped his hands quickly over his eyes. "I'm sorry, I-"

"-it doesn't matter, Cal." Tess reassured him sympathetically. "We've all got to let go at one point or another." Cal offered her a small smile- one that failed to reach his eyes and make them glint like his smiles usually seemed to do.

"Cal, this may be a bit of a sensitive issue, but... why can't you see Ethan?" Cal looked like he might burst out crying but miraculously held himself together. He inhaled deeply then blew out the large breath.

"I could have done more." He told them- eyes shining with tears yet to fall. "I could have diagnosed him sooner. I could have saved him. My little brother- the person I'd sworn to protect." He gulped and choked back a sob, wiping his hands over his eyes once again. "I can't see him because it hurts too much. I can't see him because if I do, I'm reminded of how much I messed up. I'm reminded of how bad I am at doing my job." He admitted slowly and carefully- hanging his head to his chest while refusing to look Zoe and Tess in the eye.

There was a few moments silence in he nurse manager's office- something which made Cal mentally debate a few things. The most prominent one came out in words presented to shocked ears. "You agree with me, don't you?" It was a rhetorical question more than anything else, so Cal carried on like he'd had an answer. "No wonder I can't do my job properly now. No wonder you're giving me time off."

"We are giving you time off because you are over-working yourself, Cal. You didn't fail anything. You never failed your brother. We all missed it. To be honest, it's pretty easy to miss. Think about it, Cal. You even incubated your  _brother_! If it came down to me incubating someone close to me I would bottle it straight away. My hands would be shaking too much and I'd let my personal relationship get in the way of professional judgement." Cal looked up at Zoe and gave her a slight smile- making the corner of his mouth twitch upwards. Zoe didn't say anymore after that- she didn't feel the need to. She just hoped Cal got the message.

Cal thought for a few moments. He still felt as guilty as hell, but he did feel better after telling someone. It was like they could understand and help share the burden of it. Obviously Cal didn't want to unload his problems onto them, but they seemed to be the people he could go to in future. "Can I... can I see Ethan?" Zoe and Tess nodded- almost encouraging him. "Can one of you come with me?" He asked hesitantly.

"You go, I need to sort out a few things." Tess told Zoe- who smiled.

Cal was just about to leave the office with Zoe in tow when he turned back around and said, "I don't quite think I can do it alone, yet."

"You don't have to do anything alone if you don't want to." Zoe told him calmly. "We're always here for you."


	4. Roger That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for the support through this story so far, it does make me happy! On with the next chapter, I hope you enjoy!

Lily splashed a generous amount of cool water on her face as she tried to calm herself down. She'd had the shift from hell; two patients, her only two patients, had both been in a car accident. As if that wasn't bad enough, the first one had to go up to surgery because of a tear in their aorta, and the second died of a serious brain injury. It shocked Lily to the core to think that one car accident caused a similar thing to happen to the car accident she was involved in. She just prayed with all her might that she could get a patient broken leg next. Preferably a patient that didn't talk much as well.

She splashed her face with cool water again, before pulling out the plug and watching the water swirl away. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to wash her dread away. She was stuck with that. Lily grabbed her glasses from the side and slipped them on. She rested her hands against the basin and stared at herself in the mirror. She had to admit, she looked worn out. Lily wouldn't let that show, though, so added a bit of bronzer to her face making he took a little less pale. She slipped the emergency make-up back into her scrub top and smiled at how it worked.

Lily turned around reluctantly and faced the door. She almost considered hiding for another ten minutes. No one would miss her presence, surely. There were many doctors out there who could help with anything. She could just stay in the bathroom for a couple more minutes.

 _What would Mrs Beauchamp say, Lily?_  She wondered angrily to herself. She wished she hadn't cast her mind back to the dead Clinical Lead; and frankly excellent doctor, but she asked the question, and Lily had to answer it.

 _She would say I should stop slacking._  Lily responded in her head. That was the problem. She always had to ask herself that. Mrs Beauchamp was still there inside of Lily's head. Lily still had the ambition to be like her- and the young doctor fully intended to carry that out.

Lily took a deep breath in and walked towards the door. She wanted to tell her legs to stop, she wanted to run into a toilet cubicle and cry, but somehow, her body wouldn't co-operate. She screwed her eyes shut and took a few deep breaths before opening her eyes and leaving the bathroom. She walked confidently away from them, still wanting to run back in and hide.

 _No, Dr Chao. If you want to become a good doctor, you have to face the bad things._  Connie's voice said encouragingly to her. Lily pushed it down. It wasn't a real voice, and so she didn't have to listen to it.

But Lily's feet were already by the emergency department doors; awaiting the next emergency. She just hoped it wouldn't be from a-

"-car accident." Jeff announced, breaking through her thoughts and saying the words that were like hell to her at the minute. "Austin, the driver here, was swerved off the road by a coach driver. Luckily, the coach was emp-" Jeff stopped short. Lily was still stood at the entrance, but her eyes had followed the trolley. "You coming, Princess?" The paramedic asked worriedly.

Lily snapped back into it, trying to forget about the crash and everything else. Her mind should be on the job in hand, and the job in hand only. Speaking of which... did Jeff just call her princess? "My name is Dr Chao." She said sternly, catching up with the trolley. She noticed Jeff smile sadly. Lily wondered why.

 _You've been through a lot. He's just sympathising with you._  Connie said. Lily groaned internally.

 _Would you just leave me alone for now?!_  The younger doctor told imaginary Connie.

 _Fine. Dr Chao._  The voice responded, emphasising her name. Anger bubbled away inside of Lily, but she reminded herself that it was not real; it was just in her head.

"Lily!" Robyn said loudly. "Come on!" Lily glanced around. Jeff, Dixie, Robyn and Lofty were stood staring at her. She definitely had to remember to push down Connie's voice, or else she wouldn't be able to carry out her job.

Lily hurriedly followed them into Recus, taking in all the useful information about the patient. She knew it didn't look good for him. His car got swiped and it fell onto the drivers side... just like it happened in the crash where Conn-

 _Don't go there, Lily._  Connie warned. _Just focus on the patient, and the patient only. Worry about the circumstances later._

 _She's right. Just focus on his injuries and worry about how it happened afterwards._ Lily smiled to herself. She'd never really thought about the owner of that voice being dead. She supposed he kind of was, now. At least she could have Ethan's voice in her head. _They're looking at you again._  Ethan mentioned, chuckling. Lily missed that chuckle, but resumed her work, trying not to get side-tracked by her own thoughts.

Lily carried out all the usual tests and examinations, but didn't seem to find anything that linked to his still very serious condition. He was unconcious, he was barely breathing, his muscles kept periodically spasming... the list goes on. She couldn't put her finger on it, and it annoyed her to a huge extent.

 _Medication, Lily. What have you given him?_  Ethan reminded her. Lily ran through the list in her head, but he wasn't allergic to it, and it helped the pain. She noticed Connie inside her head sigh.

 _There is a such thing as side-effects._  The dead Clinical Lead reminded her tiredly.

"Yes! Yes! Thank you!" It was only when Lily noticed people around her staring strangely at her when she realised what she just said aloud. Lily coughed timidly. "... sorry... about that... I had a sudden... brain wave..." She noticed Robyn snort as she tried to contain her laughter. For once, Lily didn't mind. She could understand was was funny about what just happened.

"Care to share that brainwave?" Lofty asked after a few moments silence. Lily nodded, like she'd momentarily forgotten about the patient.

"Sorry, yes. I think he's having serious side effects to the morphine we have administered." Lofty smiled encouragingly and they all continued to treat Austin successfully. Finally, Lily saw Austin being taken up in a lift and out of sight.

 _See? You would never have guessed you were so recently involved in a car accident._  Ethan said innocently. Lily's good mood was dampened considerably. She'd almost forgotten entirely about that; she was caught up in the moment with her patient.  _Wh-what did I say?_

 _Don't worry, Ethan._  Lily brushed off, making sure she said it in her head this time.  _You just concentrate on waking up, for all our sakes._

 _Roger that!_  Ethan said happily.

Connie and Lily simultaneously groaned.


	5. Take My Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter. I was worried about that one because of what was happening with Lily- but it went well, so I'm glad! On with the next chapter!

Cal arrived outside of Ethan's room, but his hand hovered over the door handle. He wearily looked at Zoe and she nodded. Cal placed his hand on the handle and pushed it down. He opened the door and slowly stepped in, immediately stopping a few steps into the room when he took in the state of his brother.

Yes, he'd seen what patients in ITU looked like, but for some reason, Ethan looked different. Maybe it was because this was his brother. Every machine's noise seemed to amplify, every tube seemed to multiply. He recognised all of the equipment. From the heart monitor to the BP cuff to the feeding tube to make sure Ethan stayed healthy enough while in this state.

"Sit down, Cal." Zoe suggested softly, bringing up a chair and placing it beside the bed. Cal stood for a few moments before making his way to the chair and slowly sitting. He scanned his brother again. There were so many wires and tubes and noises and it wasn't at all natural.

He considered holding Ethan's hand but he couldn't. He physically couldn't bring himself to hold his little brother's hand knowing that the one person he'd let down was the one person he'd sworn to protect. Ethan was like this because of him and Cal didn't know how he would ever forgive himself.

"Do you want me to leave?" Zoe asked kindly, smiling.

Cal tuned his head frantically to her, "please don't."

"Okay, I won't." She said as she drew up another chair and sat beside Cal by way of supporting him.

Cal continued to stare at Ethan. He noticed his brother had a pale face. It was nearly as white as a sheet and his usual red tint on his cheeks was gone. His breathing was pratically mechanical, and he wasn't moving. It hurt Cal.

"You can say something to him," said Zoe, trying to encourage him.

"Like what?"

Zoe thought for a moment or two, "take his hand, and tell him how much you care for him."

Cal wanted to do as Zoe said. He wanted to try. He reached his own hand out to Ethan's cold and limp one, wondering if he could bring himself to actually hold it. He slipped his hand into Ethan's and felt his own heart speed up. This all made it too real. He withdrew his hand, got up, and stormed out of the room slamming the door shut behind him.

Zoe sighed.

"Sorry about that loud noise, Ethan." She said, moving up to Cal's seat and holding Ethan's hand herself. He'd probably been so alone without Cal there. She wondered how many visitors he had. She'd seen him a couple of times. He really must have been so alone. "Maybe you should try waking up soon, eh? We'd all like to see that smile of yours again." She smiled sadly to herself.

Since the moment she'd met Ethan, she'd taken a professional liking to him. She'd also known him a little better and would consider him a friend. He was charming, in an odd way, funny, likeable, and a fantastic doctor. He was certainly missed in the ED.

"You better wake up soon, Ethan. We all miss you and need you, Cal especially. He needs his brother back, and I'm sure you do too."

Then Ethan's hand twitched. Zoe's eyes widened in aprehension and she squeezed Ethan's hand gently. "Ethan, it's Zoe, can you hear me?" She felt a light pressure on her hand and she smiled. "Everything will be alright, Ethan. You need to stay calm. Can you try and open your eyes for me?"

Zoe watched Ethan, scanned his face. She saw Ethan's eyes open a touch before they were closed again. "Well done, Ethan." She praised. Then she remembered.

"Cal! Cal!" She called frantically, but there was no answer. He was gone.


	6. Not A Chapter - A Note

I apologise for this notice, but this story is going on hiatus. I used to have a set plan for where I was taking this but that has since been discarded. Nothing I am coming up with is substantial enough or (in my view) good enough. This is nowhere near one of my best pieces of writing and is getting tedious to write. (As in, I no longer enjoy writing it, as I do with everything else). I doubt I will ever return to this story, so it is left to your imagination now. I apologise again, please forgive me.


End file.
